This APMGC member is happy because he thinks that he will hit the ball well the next time. He would not be so pleased if he knew that the round he had just played was "the next time.".

If you join the APMGC you will be guaranteed to hit a ball just as well on the course, as on the driving range. The problem is that "a" means one and maybe that is why the driving range is empty.

Be sure to use up all your best puts before you start your round.

The same goes for chipping practice. The problem with most APMGC members is that they do not know the difference between chipping and pitching. By and large, the ones that do end up with all the prize money.

The APMGC will guarantee that the bunkers are not filled with water. That is of course unless it has rained recently, or the ground staff forgot to turn off the water hose.

This is hole number 1. It should be an easy par to start with. But, a rumor has started within the club that there is a golf ball repellent situated the whole length of this fairway. This is in order to add a real challenge to this otherwise easy start.

Sensible people play the par 3 instead of the full course.

Do it right on the par3 and you may even reach the green. Does not matter either way, however, because the greens are very small and the ball always bounces off anyway.

One big advantage of being a club member is that we can ignore this sign. This even applies when our Short Game applies to use of the driver off the tee.